In a brief fit of rare snarkiness, the thought occurred to begin these hen-scratchings by posting my Social Security number, Internet passwords and blood type to save the hackers some precious time.
But why bother? Those folks sitting in their jammies hunched over a keyboard somewhere in Bulgaria probably already have all that data. In case they missed something, let me help. The dogs' names are Riley and Gracie. Now you have just about everything. So glad to be of service....
Who knew the Tampa Bay Bucs were actually the Daisies of Dale Mabry?
It seems head coach Dirk Koetter got his hoopskirt all in a wad simply because from time to time attendees at Bucs game out at Hellooooo Sucker Stadium prefer to root, root, root for the opposing team. This had made the head coach of those manly men populating the Bucs roster all pouty.
"A perfect day for me is going to be all Bucs jerseys in the lower bowl and the Bucs winning by one or more," the coach proclaimed....
Florida loves its geezers — until they become annoyingly inconvenient.
We've all seen the glitzy advertising aimed at senior citizens featuring robust, active retirees enjoying the carefree lifestyles of Florida's elder set. Golf. Tennis. Cocktail parties. Beautiful people, without a varicose vein in sight.
And it is indeed a wonderful life. But don't get too old, or too infirm, or contract the most fatal geriatric affliction of all — too broke. Then you are simply a dead old coot drooling. Good luck. And goodbye....
Perhaps you are among the thousands of lucky Floridians who received the happy-happy-joy-joy news from state-run Citizens Property Insurance that your policy has been taken over by Big Skippy's Taco Shack and Property Insurance.
You have been assured your property insurance protection couldn't be in better hands, by a company that has been serving the state's insurance needs since, oh, about 20 minutes ago. You, dear homeowner, have nothing to fear, nothing to be concerned about, nothing to fret over....
To paraphrase Lloyd Bridges in Airplane!, Looks like I picked the wrong week to renovate my kitchen.
Or put another way: I did Hurricane Irma a favor by turning my house into a disaster area before she did it for me. Now there's a classic case of pre-planning.
Days before Irma rudely introduced herself to Tampa, workers had completely ripped out the kitchen, exposing the rather unfortunate tastes in wallpaper the original owner installed 60 years ago. Think of it as early Liberace kitsch....
This is quickly becoming the statue controversy that came to dinner, drank all your liquor, offended everyone at the table, passed out on the couch and refuses to leave.
That would be, of course, Memoria In Aeterna, which is Latin for "Slaves? What slaves?" the Confederate monument honoring treason, racism and revisionist history that has been polluting public land in front of the old Hills-borough County Courthouse on Pierce Street....
President Donald Trump proclaims he has "great love" for the Dreamers, referring to the roughly 800,000 young people who benefited from the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals after they were brought to this country illegally by their parents.
Yet Trump announced this week his administration would void DACA and give Congress six months to come up with something else. But what?
Six months? For an institution whose major accomplishments seem to be going on vacation, expecting Congress to resolve what to do with these young people would seem to be a fantasy....
Times of crisis tend to reveal the character of a community.
With the passage of time, Houston will be remembered as a city devastated by the catastrophic ravages of Hurricane Harvey, a very nasty chap of a storm.
But in the here and now, Houston also has become a vivid symbol of what we have known to be true. Long before it became a campaign slogan, America never needed to become "Great Again." For all our bickering and polarized politics, there always has been the beating heart of greatness in the body politic....
There's an old joke about the Cleveland Indians back in the days when the team was truly, horribly, dreadfully bad, "performing" before crowds that could be measured in the dozens.
If you called the ticket office and asked when the game was scheduled to start that night, the response would be: "What time can you get here?"
The same might be said for our own woebegone Tampa Bay Rays, who often play to seemingly empty seats at Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg, where it appears there are more people hawking beers than actually drinking them....
It's entirely possible you have a few thoughts about the nature of transportation in Tampa Bay. Unfortunately, this is a family newspaper, so we can't actually cite them in print, or in a church, or even at Thanksgiving dinner.
But you can vent your spleen a bit at 5:30 p.m. today at the Tampa Bay History Center, when the public can offer up ideas about the future of transportation in the region. Pasco residents weighed in earlier this week, and Pinellas County residents will get their turn on Tuesday at the Pinellas Suncoast Transit Authority offices....
This might be a mystery worthy of Miss Marple's sleuthing skills. Who dropped an anvil on the collective heads of Hillsborough County Commissioners Ken Hagan, Victor Crist, Sandra Murman and Stacy White?
What might we call this caper? The Case of the Cuckoo Commissioners?
What other explanation could there be for this quartet of addled public servants nominating an individual who is an avowed, loyal, unapologetic member of the Sons of Confederate Veterans Judah P. Benjamin Camp to serve on — oh, dear — the Hillsbor- ough County Diversity Advisory Council?...
Sure, it's been an amusing few weeks watching the president of the United States trying to figure out whether he really feels Nazis are horrible people. It remains a work in progress. Tough calls like this take time.
But while much attention has been paid to Confederate statues and preserving other monuments to traitors, slavery and revisionist history, there has been real work afoot in Washington. And it isn't pretty, as the gremlins of opaqueness and cronyism have been burning the midnight oil while the public's attention has been focused on a president's petulant feuds with just about everyone except Lassie....
First, a confession, or perhaps a guilty plea.
It is certainly true that elections are serious things. After all, we are voting to place our trust in a candidate to faithfully serve in whatever office he or she is vying for. We all want good governance. We all want our public servants to be competent and honest.
But a little entertainment value on the stump isn't such a bad thing, either....
Iam a child of the "Duck & Cover" generation.
Back in the 1950s and into the 1960s, periodically, my grade school would conduct a drill on what to do if a nuclear weapon exploded over the skies of Akron. In the event of a thermonuclear blast, we were supposed to crawl under our school desks and cover our heads and stay put — presumably for the next 700 years.
Even as a child, you didn't need to be J. Robert Oppenheimer to figure out as a self-defense plan "Duck & Cover" was at best — ahem — flawed....
As a candidate and as president, Donald Trump has hardly been a shrinking wallflower, and he is always eager to engage in bombastic kindergarten feuds at the drop of a tweet.
Trump has disparaged prisoners of war, the disabled, Gold Star families, Mexicans, Muslims and even the Pope. He recently described the White House as a "dump." Dignity.
When the New York Times compiled a list of the people and groups Trump has offended, the total reached 351. But that was in January, before the president decided to go after what he claimed was "Morning Joe" co-host Mika Brzezinski's plastic surgery. Now there was a Gettysburg Address moment for you....